What is there to be afraid of?
Most of the time they appear to be completely irrational. Of course, it doesn’t help the case when you have certain friends who find it necessary to tell you that you have a spider on your face, hair, arm etc. etc.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking spiders. They gross me out so much that I’m not even going to compliment my text with too many pictures, like usual, I can’t have those creepy b**t@rd$ lurking in my Google search engine.
It’s that time of year, where England has decided to catch up with the rest of the world and deliver us the sun.
Why would the sun need “sun”glasses? Just a thought.
The sun lifts my mood by about 50%, it’s nice to finally see everything illuminated in colours other than the standard shades of grey. The only downside to this is that the windows are open all day long, in which time certain spiders appoint themselves as my new roommates. You’re thinking, awww, how nice.
But no, no, it’s not nice at all.
I attempted to apply some rationality to the situation and figure out my reasons for disliking them; this is how it breaks down:
1. What are they thinking?
Seriously, this applies to any animal or insect, why should we trust anything that is such an enigma? They are definitely plotting against me. #ConspiracyTheory
2. Why can’t they talk?
(Refer to no.1) Wouldn’t that just make life that much easier? I could totally see myself reasoning with a spider: “Look pal, you’ve been chillin’ in here all day, now it’s my turn.” Perhaps I could go so far as accepting them if we were on first name terms: “Hi Barry, how’s the family?”
3. The way that they look.
I know, I know. beauty is skin deep, yadda yadda yadda. Would it be any harm to anyone for them to be a little more pleasing on the eye though? Like fluffy and sparkly and pink? Preferably without eight legs too… what is the need? They are just showing off.
4. Walking. Or is it crawling?
They can walk along walls and ceilings – an ability that I don’t possess; this automatically makes me feel like the inferior species.
5. INVADING MY PRIVACY!
Why don’t they find their own home, instead of getting cozy in my bed? How would they feel if I bulldozed my way into their pad and lurked in the corner like a creeper?
I need to call up Chris Hansen (Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator) to interrogate these perverts.