#IrrationalFears #Spiders #TripleHastag

Fears.

What is there to be afraid of?

Most of the time they appear to be completely irrational. Of course, it doesn’t help the case when you have certain friends who find it necessary to tell you that you have a spider on your face, hair, arm etc. etc.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking spiders. They gross me out so much that I’m not even going to compliment my text with too many pictures, like usual, I can’t have those creepy b**t@rd$ lurking in my Google search engine.

It’s that time of year, where England has decided to catch up with the rest of the world and deliver us the sun.

 Why would the sun need “sun”glasses? Just a thought.

The sun lifts my mood by about 50%, it’s nice to finally see everything illuminated in colours other than the standard shades of grey. The only downside to this is that the windows are open all day long, in which time certain spiders appoint themselves as my new roommates. You’re thinking, awww, how nice.

But no, no, it’s not nice at all.

I attempted to apply some rationality to the situation and figure out my reasons for disliking them; this is how it breaks down:

1. What are they thinking?

Seriously, this applies to any animal or insect, why should we trust anything that is such an enigma? They are definitely plotting against me. #ConspiracyTheory

2. Why can’t they talk?

(Refer to no.1) Wouldn’t that just make life that much easier? I could totally see myself reasoning with a spider: “Look pal, you’ve been chillin’ in here all day, now it’s my turn.” Perhaps I could go so far as accepting them if we were on first name terms: “Hi Barry, how’s the family?”

3. The way that they look.

I know, I know. beauty is skin deep, yadda yadda yadda. Would it be any harm to anyone for them to be a little more pleasing on the eye though? Like fluffy and sparkly and pink? Preferably without eight legs too… what is the need? They are just showing off.

4. Walking. Or is it crawling?

They can walk along walls and ceilings – an ability that I don’t possess; this automatically makes me feel like the inferior species.

5. INVADING MY PRIVACY!

Why don’t they find their own home, instead of getting cozy in my bed? How would they feel if I bulldozed my way into their pad and lurked in the corner like a creeper?

I need to call up Chris Hansen (Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator) to interrogate these perverts.

Relationship Rules

Reblogged from Hey Joe! Online:

Isn’t alliteration sexy?

Topic of the day: Is there a clear set of rules for how to approach and keep a relationship? (If so, please email me a copy.) ;)

I’m going to be using Stephen Hedger's guidelines; his job title is “Marriage Adviser & Divorce Prevention Specialist” so his rules are practically the Holy Grail for relationships.

I’ll highlight each rule in 

Read more… 444 more words

Women are from Venus and Men are from, well... who knows where?

Reblogged from Hey Joe! Online:

• 

Hey beautiful bloggers (I promise this isn’t a bribe to get you to like me but… if it was, would it work?),

I know what you’re thinking, “oh my, Joe has changed!” but you are mistaken. I’ve been given the keys to Joe’s pad. I’m presuming that he has allowed me this access because every man needs a woman in their life to prettify things and I will fulfil this duty to the max here.

Read more… 208 more words

I got a fever…

And the only prescription is more blogging!

That’s right, I’m spreading like a highly irritating rash that no one wants but can’t get rid of all over WordPress.

In addition to this blog and Inked Memory, I have now joined my friend over on Hey Joe! Online. If you don’t already follow him…

I’m not asking you to follow him because I’m writing there now, seriously, I’m not. His blog genuinely deserves more credit, I view it like a morning newspaper over my breakfast – except rather than delivering hard-hitting news, he provides truth, entertainment and sexy stories about cars. Yep, sex and automobiles, it doesn’t get better than that.

If you’re not already sold… Well, did I mention that I write there now? I’m going to be providing articles for the column “Her Point of View”. I’ve introduced myself and outlined what I’ll be writing about here. It was almost overwhelming how warm of a welcome I got over there. Really guys, you’re too much. My latest article Relationship Rules is NOT about how awesome relationships are but rather the unwritten rules that need to be followed, apparently.

Check it out. I’ll give you a cookie.

 Bribery at it’s best.

You won’t believe this is just a picture of a sheep…

You’re gonna be all like ‘what the f@**’!!!! This can’t just be a picture of a sheep…

 

 

 

 

 

But it is, it’s just a picture of a sheep.

Graduation Grievances

I have less than a month remaining at University. I have more assignments and projects than cowbell in Saturday Night Live. Every hour of every day is consumed with work and it is exhausting.

Today, I received the invitation to my Graduation Ceremony – the light at the end of the tunnel, the finish line in a marathon, the last spoon of peanut butter with your jelly (reference for my American readers, I gotta’ keep you sweet).

Perhaps I should print it out, laminate it and frame it? (FYI, laminating a document makes it death proof, throw any element it’s way and it will survive).

I started to consider all of the great things that come with graduation and then, the cynic within me (we’ll call him Cyril, it’s good to personify feelings) decided to offset all of these points with all that is bad about them. N.B.: Cyril is a super-sized, balding, coffin dodger with more lines on his face than a cheap stand up comedian – you can understand why he would have such a chip on his shoulder.

My biggest gripe with this “ceremony” is the outfit. I’m not meaning to sound vain with this, it’s merely an observation.

Seriously, what is with that mortarboard hat?

 Does his head come with the hat?

What is the point of this forehead-hugging, flat board on your head? Are we going to be serving hors d’oeuvres to the guests off of those? The icing on the cake is the tassel. Why not go all out and have bells and whistles too? I might customise mine and set the standard for all future graduations.

As for the “gown”, again, my question is why? Why, God, why? (That’s three “why’s” because I really don’t know).  After three years of being a student, I close my time here sporting a cape, how conceited is that? I’m some kind of freaking superhero now because I have a degree; I’m also one step away from drawing a lightning bolt on my head and changing my initials to HP or spending my congratulary graduation money on a lightsaber. Plus, with the “costume” – and I’m categorising it as a costume as it’s pretty much fancy dress to me – is black, doesn’t that just funeralise the whole affair? What is this, the death of my social life?

To really hammer that final nail in the coffin, I look at the prices for the hiring of this costume and they range up to £75 for a day. Really? My best clothes don’t even cost that much. What do I get out of this? I pay £75 to look ridiculous for a day. I’m telling you, I’m really going to get my money’s worth, I’ll sleep in it if I have to.

It makes me wonder though, is this the final test? With all of the hardships that have come with obtaining a degree, is this the biggest hurdle of them all? I know that once I pass this, I can face anything, even the queue for unemployment.

R.I.P. Roger Ebert – Two Thumbs Down.

It is with a lump in my throat that I write about this today, when the news of Roger Ebert’s death broke last night I was extremely saddened. I am so inspired and read so much of Ebert’s work that it almost felt like a personal loss. He was my all time favourite film critic and I know that there will never be another like him.

Claudia Wells (Jennifer in BTTF: Part I) summed him up perfectly:

“In his review of “Back to the Future” in 1985, Roger Ebert said we’d made a film with “charm, brains and a lot of laughter”. Sir, god made a man with those same ingredients – you. Thank you for shepherding the world of film criticism! We will miss you Roger Ebert! X”

I’m not going to go into great detail here, other than to pay tribute to a man and his legacy. He is going to be truly missed and will continue to be a driving force in all that I do related to film and writing.

“So on this day of reflection I say again, thank you for going on this journey with me. I’ll see you at the movies.” 

Roger Ebert (1942 – 2013)